They Don’t Want to Visit Anymore: When Parenting Time Gets Complicated (and What to Do About It)

Hey y’all,

Let’s talk about something that doesn’t get said out loud enough. You’ve got a parenting time order in place. The court laid it out. Everybody was told to follow it. And at one point, things were flowing. The visits were happening. The kids were going back and forth. You might not have liked the schedule, but at least there was one.

Then the kids got older… and everything changed.

Now they’ve got friends, phones, football practice, jobs, attitudes, and playlists that could melt your eardrums. The last thing they want to do is switch houses every weekend or hang out with a parent they haven’t bonded with in a while.

And now what used to be a clear court order is feeling like a tug-of-war with no rope in sight.

So, what do you do when parenting time turns into parenting tension?

Here’s the hard truth. The courts can write whatever they want on paper, but you can’t force a teenager to want to visit a parent, especially if the relationship hasn’t been nurtured or if life circumstances have changed.

But you also can’t throw the whole order in the trash either. So, where’s the balance?

Here’s what I recommend:

1. Acknowledge that kids evolve.

What worked when they were 7 won’t always work when they’re 17. Their identity is shifting. Their schedules are packed. They want independence. You don’t have to agree with it, but you do have to factor it in.

2. Talk to your co-parent like it’s a team issue and not a battle.

Instead of “They never want to come to your house,” try, “Our child is pulling away from both of us. How can we show up differently?" It’s not about blame. It’s about adjusting together.

3. Bring the child into the conversation, of course with boundaries.

Not for drama. Not to guilt trip. But to ask: What’s working? What’s not? What would help you feel heard, connected, and supported?

You don’t give up your role as the parent, but you do let them have a voice.

4. Consider a parenting time reset.

Sometimes the original order no longer fits the new reality. You may need to adjust things informally or go back to mediation to work something out that actually works for now, not ten years ago.

5. Don’t force the relationship but rebuild it.

If the child doesn’t want to visit, the solution isn’t always legal action. Sometimes it’s lunch dates. Therapy sessions. Texting once a week. Reconnecting slowly and consistently until trust is restored.

Let’s bring it back to EASE…

Parenting time doesn’t just affect calendars, it affects connection. And when it stops working, it doesn’t mean anyone’s failed. It just means it’s time to re-evaluate and find a new way forward that puts the child’s needs and emotional health at the center.

✨ Come on over to The EASE Side. These conversations aren’t always easy, but they’re always worth having.

🔗 Struggling to co-parent through the transitions? Book a Conflict Clarity Coaching Call. Let’s figure it out together and of course without the drama.

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